NNN: Blues guitarist plans performances

NECROMUNDUS - Guitarist Bo Diddley, who arrived in Necromundus not so terribly long ago, has agreed to perform several shows in the Purgatory Tavern later this year.

"It's gonna take me a little while to get used to this death business," Diddley told NNN. "But I didn't lose my love for music when I lost my life. A man's gotta do what comes natural."

Dates will be announced within the next few weeks.

NNN: Newsman considers afterlife show

NECROMUNDUS - Journalist Tim Russert, recently arrived in Necromundus from the mortal coil, isn't keen to give up his old job just yet.

Russert gained prominence during his life as the host of Meet the Press, a weekly hour-long program devoted to the discussion and analysis of the political issues of the day. Now in the afterlife, Russert sees people like Jesse Helms, Abraham Lincoln, and Ronald Reagan roaming the streets on a regular basis. It may lead him to pursue a post-mortem news program.

"Imagine the opportunities that could arise from bringing together some of the most amazing minds in history," Russert said. "We could have Mahatma Gandhi, Adolf Hitler, and Aristotle on the same panel!"

NNN: Racist lawmaker arrives

NECROMUNDUS - Jesse Helms, a prominent 20th Century legislator with racist leanings, materialized in Necromundus early this morning.

He was promptly hugged by two demons, one angel, and a hairy green dwarf.

Said Helms: "Get this damnable lump off my leg!"