NECROMUNDUS - Suicidal grunge rocker Kurt Cobain is scheduled to play three nights next week in the Purgatory Tavern.
Cobain is expected to perform the greatest hits of his former band, Nirvana. He'll end each show with a shotgun blast to the head.
"People tell me it'd be in really poor taste to do that," Cobain said. "But I say...screw em."
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Whisperwood Criers: King to bid on electricity?
WHISPERWOOD HOLD, CATARACT - King Lionel Trueguard, ruler of the realm of Cataract, may bid on inventor Thomas Edison's offer to provide electricity to realms that are (in Edison's words) "technological Cro-Magnons."
"I'm not entirely certain what a Cro-Magnon is," King Trueguard said, "but I am given to understand that it is rather unsavory and cretinous. Therefore, I cannot allow the good people of Cataract to be portrayed in this fashion."
Edison is entertaining bids from all realms, but seems especially interested in dragging places like Whisperwood out of the age of pitch-smeared torches and smoky oil lanterns.
"I'm not entirely certain what a Cro-Magnon is," King Trueguard said, "but I am given to understand that it is rather unsavory and cretinous. Therefore, I cannot allow the good people of Cataract to be portrayed in this fashion."
Edison is entertaining bids from all realms, but seems especially interested in dragging places like Whisperwood out of the age of pitch-smeared torches and smoky oil lanterns.
NNN: Capone offers tax service
NECROMUNDUS - Former Chicago mob boss Al Capone is offering tax preparation services in the wake of news that assessments are forthcoming in the afterlife.
"I know a thing or two about a thing or two when it comes to taxes," Capone told the Necromundus News Network. "I'd hate to see anything bad, y'know, happen to people who think they got a better handle on it, if ya catch my meaning."
Capone intends to open an office not far from the city center to provide his services.
"I know a thing or two about a thing or two when it comes to taxes," Capone told the Necromundus News Network. "I'd hate to see anything bad, y'know, happen to people who think they got a better handle on it, if ya catch my meaning."
Capone intends to open an office not far from the city center to provide his services.
NNN: Taxes coming to Necromundus
NECROMUNDUS - The city of Necromundus, under Death's authority, will soon impose taxes on denizens of the realm.
The fundraising measure is necessary, according to Death, because of ongoing threats such as the Sae'kall and other monstrosities beyond the portals.
Constable Feers, leader of the local law enforcement agency, said the constabulary appreciates the effort.
"Naturally, we wish it weren't necessary - no one likes taxes," Feers said. "But we must beef up security."
Assessments are coming soon.
The fundraising measure is necessary, according to Death, because of ongoing threats such as the Sae'kall and other monstrosities beyond the portals.
Constable Feers, leader of the local law enforcement agency, said the constabulary appreciates the effort.
"Naturally, we wish it weren't necessary - no one likes taxes," Feers said. "But we must beef up security."
Assessments are coming soon.
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