Dead and Loving It: Promotional

Starting now until September 1st, every new character on Necromundus will receive a free Roleplaying points voucher. That’s over a third of the points necessary to get to level 50, or it’s worth a house, thousands of crafting minutes, or more! Those that join before Friday August 8th will get to take part in ground breaking Roleplaying event on that Friday.

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NNN: Blues guitarist plans performances

NECROMUNDUS - Guitarist Bo Diddley, who arrived in Necromundus not so terribly long ago, has agreed to perform several shows in the Purgatory Tavern later this year.

"It's gonna take me a little while to get used to this death business," Diddley told NNN. "But I didn't lose my love for music when I lost my life. A man's gotta do what comes natural."

Dates will be announced within the next few weeks.

NNN: Newsman considers afterlife show

NECROMUNDUS - Journalist Tim Russert, recently arrived in Necromundus from the mortal coil, isn't keen to give up his old job just yet.

Russert gained prominence during his life as the host of Meet the Press, a weekly hour-long program devoted to the discussion and analysis of the political issues of the day. Now in the afterlife, Russert sees people like Jesse Helms, Abraham Lincoln, and Ronald Reagan roaming the streets on a regular basis. It may lead him to pursue a post-mortem news program.

"Imagine the opportunities that could arise from bringing together some of the most amazing minds in history," Russert said. "We could have Mahatma Gandhi, Adolf Hitler, and Aristotle on the same panel!"

NNN: Racist lawmaker arrives

NECROMUNDUS - Jesse Helms, a prominent 20th Century legislator with racist leanings, materialized in Necromundus early this morning.

He was promptly hugged by two demons, one angel, and a hairy green dwarf.

Said Helms: "Get this damnable lump off my leg!"

NNN: Kurt Cobain plays Purgatory

NECROMUNDUS - Suicidal grunge rocker Kurt Cobain is scheduled to play three nights next week in the Purgatory Tavern.

Cobain is expected to perform the greatest hits of his former band, Nirvana. He'll end each show with a shotgun blast to the head.

"People tell me it'd be in really poor taste to do that," Cobain said. "But I say...screw em."

Whisperwood Criers: King to bid on electricity?

WHISPERWOOD HOLD, CATARACT - King Lionel Trueguard, ruler of the realm of Cataract, may bid on inventor Thomas Edison's offer to provide electricity to realms that are (in Edison's words) "technological Cro-Magnons."

"I'm not entirely certain what a Cro-Magnon is," King Trueguard said, "but I am given to understand that it is rather unsavory and cretinous. Therefore, I cannot allow the good people of Cataract to be portrayed in this fashion."

Edison is entertaining bids from all realms, but seems especially interested in dragging places like Whisperwood out of the age of pitch-smeared torches and smoky oil lanterns.

NNN: Capone offers tax service

NECROMUNDUS - Former Chicago mob boss Al Capone is offering tax preparation services in the wake of news that assessments are forthcoming in the afterlife.

"I know a thing or two about a thing or two when it comes to taxes," Capone told the Necromundus News Network. "I'd hate to see anything bad, y'know, happen to people who think they got a better handle on it, if ya catch my meaning."

Capone intends to open an office not far from the city center to provide his services.

NNN: Taxes coming to Necromundus

NECROMUNDUS - The city of Necromundus, under Death's authority, will soon impose taxes on denizens of the realm.

The fundraising measure is necessary, according to Death, because of ongoing threats such as the Sae'kall and other monstrosities beyond the portals.

Constable Feers, leader of the local law enforcement agency, said the constabulary appreciates the effort.

"Naturally, we wish it weren't necessary - no one likes taxes," Feers said. "But we must beef up security."

Assessments are coming soon.

The Sae'Kall are back.

Temporary portal has been established. High Mage coven along with High Guard have been sent through. High Mage has complete jurisdiction over operations, you and your troops are to follow his orders. Failure to comply will result in banishment. Objectives are to meet up with survivors of 1rst Army and establish a foothold. When sufficient supplies have been acquired, open a more permanent portal for 2nd and 3rd armies to follow. Further instructions will arrive with 2nd and 3rd armies.

Garviel's Notebook, No. 2

So there I was, just sitting there in my and Lexi's home, sharpening my axe when this humanoid just pops in, literally. He just appeared on the floor with a scream. He called me a freaking dancing bear and kept calling me Kael. Almost did lose control of myself there, glad Cephas did show up, even dead he can still keep me in line, owe him one. Should thank him sometime soon.

Sae'Kall Report

1st Army Status: Failure to capture portal, General Dead
Casualties: 698 dead, 95.75% of 1st Army.
1st Regiment: 232 dead or left on field, 5 Lieutenants, 1 Captain and General dead.
2nd Regiment: 224 dead or left on field, 5 Lieutenants dead.
3rd Regiment: 242 dead or left on field, 8 Lieutenants, 3 Captains and Colonel dead.

1st Army is inoperable at this time, tactical reevaluation recommended, the forces guarding the portal are stronger than anticipated. 2nd and 3rd Armies should hold positions until reevaluation is complete. 1st Army should be reinforced ASAP.

Note: The spears function exceeded requirements, but did not exceed expectations. Modifications are recommended before further assault commences. Magic users accompanying the next assault may aid in boosting recorporealization realignment.

- End Report -

Plan of Attack

Phase I: Subjugation of Plains

• Send 3rd Regiment's 2nd company out as a scouting force, engage hostiles and determine enemy strength
• March on Portal, eliminate all resistance in path. Use scare tactics and demonstrations of force as needed.
  
• Capture Portal and wait for 2nd and 3rd Divisions to rendezvous at the portal. Further orders for Phase II of attack will arrive with the Generals. Hold the Portal at all costs.
  

Garviel's Notebook, No. 1

Finally managed to get all the blood and dents out of my armor, and repaired those two holes. One of those spears went right through one of the inlaid designs on my left pauldron, had to rework everything on it.

So what've I done in my free time recently? Repelled an invasion of bugs, repaired my armor, worked on some minor projects for The Pack, made a bit of money here and there. I kinda wonder how many people used weapons and armored I'd made them in that battle, recognized a few, a Humanoid named Easton, made his sword for him.

Should talk with Augustus sometime and see if there's any other projects we can get to work on, The Pack needs to expand a bit more.

Oh! And I mounted one of those Sae'Kall spears on the trophy wall in Pack Hall, one of our first trophies. Maybe I should work an inlay on my armor with a scene from the battle, think I'll do that in my spare time.

Death's Notebook, No. 1

Musings of the grim specter during his patrols in the heart of the dead city of Necromundus:

Heard some talk of creatures called the Sae'kall stirring up trouble.

Gathered more loose change spilled from pockets of newly arrived dead tumbling from the sky. Interesting coin of the day: A Death's Head blood-gold piece, carved with the word "Remember."

Someone offered me a drink. I took it. Gulped it. Naturally, it all splashed down the bones and soaked my robes. Hey, it wasn't my money that bought the drink. Constable Feers found it amusing.